I always think of you before I fall asleep. The words you said, the way you looked. The things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. And when I dream, I’ll dream of you. Because it’s about you, it’s always about you.
I thought that was an image I had to put in my pocket and keep with me. I’m not exactly sure why. It’s not that I need to remember it, because I won’t forget those kind of things, but I just want to write them down and look at them. It’s almost like when things like music come out and you’re listening to a song and you have experiences with art or phenomena that supersede your simple relationship with them as just a piece of art. They’re more than that. That’s just what those quotes are for me. They’re big, they’re important.
It’s kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it get’s to the point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don’t need an hour in front of the mirror. It happens really fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really fast trying to see something, but I can’t. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me.
When you don’t have many friends and you don’t have a social life you’re kind of left looking at things, not doing things. There’s a weird freedom in not having people treat you like you’re part of society or where you have to fulfill social relationships.
We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.
